HINT: Christmas Gifts for your Wife

Dear Husband,

I know you are struggling (as you do every holiday/birthday/anniversary) with what to get me as a token of your love. So I thought I would help you out a little – no, I’m not going to BUY MY OWN GIFTS. That would be too easy! It’s not that I want to make it hard on you – seriously. It isn’t that difficult! I just want to feel loved with material things. ;) Here are a few questions for you to answer before you go shopping an hour before stores close on Christmas Eve: 

1. What would make my life easier? There is something I complain about ALL the time. There are MANY things I complain about. So go now to your dark place and think of those things…. Those nagging, bitching, irritating things. And then fix it, buy it, get rid of it!  … Whatever complaints I have made over the past few months …. Take care of it for me! Broken dish washer? Fix it! No dish washer? BINGO. There’s one of the many gifts I expect this Christmas. Not enough mugs to drink out of? Buy me a dozen! Always tripping over your shoes? Get rid of them! And by that I mean, buy something to take care of the shoes-all-over-the-living-room problem.  Yes.  A shoe organizer. You’re catching on quick!
2. What would make me feel adored?  Something extra. Something I don’t need. Something that I often use/wear/want. You’ve seen me put on a necklace every day before work. Buy me a new one! You’ve seen me work endless hours on my hobby … get me better tools, a fancy thing-a-ma-jig, and a do-hickey to compliment my efforts. (Please … please tell me you know what my hobby is!? Go look on my pinterest account, eh? It should be loud and clear.) Basically, what do I do every single day to make myself feel pretty, feel sane, or just feel like a human? Buy me more.
3. Who (or what!) else can do my job? You’ve watched me spend my free time keeping the house clean. Buy me a maid! Once a month for the entire year someone can come into our home and spend 2-3 hours cleaning, organizing, SOMETHING! Dear God, give me a BREAK! (Or see "dishwasher" in part 1.)
4. What would make me speechless? Go ahead. You know you want me to shut up for a minute! Buy me something that would blow me away. A real dream come true! So far out there that it’s virtually unrealistic; A vacation. A car. A weekend away. Yes. That’s it! A weekend away. No guilt. No strings. And by all means NO CHILDREN. And if I’m being honest … no YOU either. Let me relax. Let me manage my own 48 hours. However I want. In my current responsibilities, THAT is absolutely unrealistic and unexpected. MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Sincerely,

The Happiest Wife on Christmas Morning

PS. Don't ASK me if I want _____ for Christmas. Just surprise me! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW AHEAD OF TIME! <--- I wrote that in all caps because I was, indeed, shouting.